I'm so mad at myself right now! I started this blog to help keep me accountable for my nutrition, but I am not doing 100% :( The fat girl is just screaming to get out! I know its due to stress :( Our water system under our kitchen sink had a hose crack, and it has been leaking for several weeks into our basement bedroom that we never go into... The whole ceiling and wall was bubbled, and the carpet soaking. They estimated it has been that way for several weeks due to the discoloring of the wood tack strips, and the mold. Yea, mold. Great. They came Monday and gutted the wall and have had a fan on it for 24/7. They are coming tomorrow to see how much has dried, and give us an estimate to repair it all. Thankfully we have homeowners, but its still a $1000 deductible. That stresses the hubby out, which he tends to take out on me, but thankfully he hasn't been too bad with this one.
My FIL is also coming tomorrow to install shelving in our garage, which will be awesome, but just more stress. Plus, it's track season, and I want to be out there helping my track kids everyday, but the time to pay ratio SUCKS, and I already have so much on my plate. And to top it off, I had an eye appointment and had to have my eyes dilated, and I have been tripping out all day! It sucked! I know I am dehydrated too - since the water system is shut off, its just tap, and our water up here isn't the best - just an excuse, I know :( I also know I haven't been able to workout like I want/need to, and that is starting to get to me... my abs are going away, and I am starting to get a spare tire (just a road bike tire, but it is there). Ugh, there is so much more going on that I just can't put in writing... UGH, I feel overwhelmed and want pull my hair out, and let the fat girl out... :(
We had a church function/BBQ tonight, and thankfully we were behind and the food ran out lol. I had a hamburger Pattie, but felt if there was anything else, I would have partaken. When I got home, I wanted to go crazy and just say screw it. I started riffling through the pantry/cupboards(thankfully no oreos currently in the house ;) and finally decided to just do a PB Shakeology... it seemed to do the trick. It filled me up, and satisfied my sweet tooth... I did 2 TBSP of PB, which is high calorie/fat, but I know that was better then going on a binge. Thank goodness for Shakeology - and that isn't a plug... that is an honest to goodness statement from my heart! This has happened 2 other times... It seems like I can quiet my fat girl if I make it into one of the more "dessert" like shakes. That is a compromise I am willing to live with.
So, I need to break it down... what have I learned from the last few days... 1. I need to stay hydrated. 2. I can't control everything. 3. I need to clean/balance my plate and get more organized(working on a website to help with that and can't wait!) 4. Need to make more time for family and self. 5. Need to recommit to working out - My hubby said he would do the new Insanity: the ASYLUM with me! I sure hope so!!! I also am thinking I am going to get a Body Bugg for my B-day :) 6. Tomorrow is a new day. A chance to start over, anew. No reason to throw everything away.
Ok, I feel better. Sorry for the vent, but know that I am human too. I'm going to commit to keeping track of my cals, and 30 minutes a day for myself to workout until I get the ASYLUM, and then all Hell's breaking lose! This is something I think would be good for me and my hubby to do together, so I really hope it works out :) Hope this finds you all well :)
OH HUGS to Candice! Darling your not alone although its tough! rough! and HARD! You have great strength! I wish I had Shakeology to turn to. YOU DID AWESOME! I hope Hubby and your ASYLUM efforts come together...
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Its just the stress talking! So talk back to it! You are a strong capable person and these are situations beyond your control - accept them, do what you need to do to fix them. You are a problem solver! Look at your before and after pics if you don't believe it!! I have been reading your posts lately and can really see the connection between food addictions and alcohol/drug addictions. Its interesting. Let me tell you that you are doing so great and don't give up. As with all addictions, there will be relapses of behavior/habits, but that doesn't mean nothing has changed! If you stick with this for a year or more longer, you will begin to forget the "fat girl" inside you and begin to see yourself the way everyone else does. It takes time and consistancy which to me you are on the right track. Don't beat yourself up over failures - rejoice in your successes. One of the BFL Champs said "Change your mind change your body" and "Your mind encourages your body to transform, and your transforming body encourages your mind." Don't forget to continue setting goals and I always look at my Athleta and Title Nine clothing magazines to keep me motivated! I want to live in those clothes!! I'm gonna pray for you today too! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteWell as you know I totally get where you are coming from. You did good though and held it together which is something I'm still working on. I guess really we always will be. Curious about this new website idea you have!
ReplyDeleteKeep strong, you are such an inspiration to so many and it's good to see that you face some of the same stresses we all do.
Thanks ladies... that all means a lot :) Still a lot of stress, and a lot to do, but I am hadling it much better, and am not turing to food ;) I hope you all are doing well to!
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